Float or Fade?

Journal 10.30.24

And I do one thing and Time falls out beneath me. Holidays and birthdays go first then whole months float away into the stratosphere. I try to fight it. Caught in-between Earth and the Heavens. Earthly obligations the laundry the liquor-board the meetings the emails the training the ordering the job descriptions the costs the inventory the private events the calendar the calendar the children the chores but Time falls away from me and into the bay like an eroding cliff and there is my celestial being bodiless was Jesus man or God? There is a force at work sucking my flesh and bones. And it says shout from the rooftops and shout from the shores and shout from the high hills of dusty soy and I spit ash. Ascending. Turkey vultures and hawks gather on the land. And disperse, annoyed, as Eagle descends sharp and handsome. Yellow beak picking out ashen eyes. Steam rises off the land framed in blinding sun. Shroud of Turin. HIS FACE HIS FACE. And he says Touch me not; for I am not yet ascended to my Father: but go to my brethren, and say unto them, I ascend to my Father, and your Father, and to my God, and your God*. And all the earthly things are bound to it—shhhh shhhh settle down settle down reduced speed limit ahead little drunken sailor town Rock Hall. Country music plays. And hours later the earth quakes from the thunder bombs of Aberdeen. And the flame thrower scorches the pine wood. As I brush the ash away with ashen hands and ashen clothes and ashen face. I burn away the surface and fill the restaurant with what remains. Fire perfume. As my layers are burned off. Self-immolation. As the blackhole within me sucks me closer to my celestial being. Unbound and ascending into the exosphere. And the stars bright in all the darkness. Float or fade? Into oblivion.

*KJV St. John 20:17