I used to drink alcohol to quiet my mind. Because I’m always thinking and thinking and thinking I want to make a difference in this world I want to do something good I want to be original and I want to release this thing inside of me that’s aching clawing to get out but I can’t let it out if it’s not good enough so how do I let it out just enough to look at it to refine it how do I package it to be heard understood helpful and I doubt myself always much doubt until exhausted I realize that nothing matters that there is no right no wrong that the only unique thing the only original thing the only pure thing is me… I’m the canvas and the paint I am the story I am the words the content matters not it just matters that the story is told. Because I am a moment in time. I did not create myself I do not choose to think my thoughts nor the thoughts that I am thinking I was born into all of it… no it is not the context of my life that is important but only that I should choose to write it to cook it to paint it to record all of my being like Van Gogh recorded his starry night because while the rest of those who have gone before us cannot steady the unrest of those to follow*… I would be lost without the paint and prose and poetry of Man who came before me and there is nothing more nor less that I can do but to leave my own in return… in the face of this infinite and shallow temporal judgement… that I can remove myself from this time that I may only live in this place yes yes you see place without time? I must unburden myself of it… to pass it along. And be therefore free.
*Finding Forrester (Film c. 2000)
It just matters that the story is told. 🥹🙏🏻